sometimes....life sucks

So I guess I'm beginning to learn that there are definitely parts of life that are a hell of a lot harder than other parts. Why is it so hard to forgive people even when you want to forgive them. When all you want to do is pretend that nothing happened and maybe everything will go back the way it was. When, even though someone hurt you, you don't think they're a bad person. You still believe in them. Good people make mistakes too, right? And then other times I think I'm being weak for wanting to forgive so quickly, for wanting to let things blow over. Things change us, and it has, and probably will continue to change me. But what do I do with it now? Is there any value in holding this deep in my heart and being bitter? That's not who I am. I don't want that. I want to be able to be happy again. I want to laugh and feel things deeply and love and dance in the rain and throw mud. And I have since then. I have laughed, I have deeply felt pain, I have loved people, I have danced in the rain, and I have thrown mud. This makes me think that maybe everything is going to work out. But that it's ok now, too. It makes me believe that one day I'm going to wake up and my heart isn't going to hurt anymore, and I'll be able to stomach food. One day I'll be able to stop hurting deeply. I need closure...but not closure of contact or friendship...just closure of what happened. I want a better explanation. I want to understand why, if friendship is so valued, that happened. Why it was allowed to happen. I just want to be told straight up what is going on here; and what was going on. I wish I was stronger and knew better how to deal with myself. I wish I was older and I actually knew stuff about life.