scratchtchtchtchy throat

I have been in such a terribly strange head space lately. Figuring life out is hard and weird and silly. Emily wants me to just let go and feel what I'm feeling. Sometimes I find myself doing this, and I love it, but it is really so terribly hard for me. I do believe that there is more than just feeling deeply to life. I just haven't quite figured out where it all fits yet.

So many times this week it has felt as though I am not living my life, like I'm watching some other person, this stranger, live it out for me. Or, on the flip side, as though someone else created my life for me; made all the decisions about how to get to this place, this confused and muddled place, and then left a space that was mim-sized. And here I am, living in a life from which I feel disconnected.

I've felt so unsure of myself recently. I don't know what's real or true......I have been void of poetry for so long it scares me. And because of this I avoid sitting down to write because I'm afraid that nothing will come.

And I did feel like coming but I also felt like crying/It doesn't seem so worth it right now
*Regina

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