dear god,
I miss the ocean. And I miss my friends. I miss the way the air feels on my face and how I used to trust in you. So naively, yet so passionately. I miss living across the street from my friend and across the room from my best friend. I miss not knowing, not striving to know, the ugliness of the world.
love, me
I have been in such a terribly strange head space lately. Figuring life out is hard and weird and silly. Emily wants me to just let go and feel what I'm feeling. Sometimes I find myself doing this, and I love it, but it is really so terribly hard for me. I do believe that there is more than just feeling deeply to life. I just haven't quite figured out where it all fits yet.
So many times this week it has felt as though I am not living my life, like I'm watching some other person, this stranger, live it out for me. Or, on the flip side, as though someone else created my life for me; made all the decisions about how to get to this place, this confused and muddled place, and then left a space that was mim-sized. And here I am, living in a life from which I feel disconnected.
I've felt so unsure of myself recently. I don't know what's real or true......I have been void of poetry for so long it scares me. And because of this I avoid sitting down to write because I'm afraid that nothing will come.
And I did feel like coming but I also felt like crying/It doesn't seem so worth it right now
*Regina
"I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask 'Mother, what was war?' "
-Eve Merriam
tell me what you think tell me what you feel
is this a fake or is it for real
is it what you hoped for what you dreamed
is it something strange that you've never seen
does it lift you up closer to the light
does it send you raging into the night
where did it begin will it ever end
where the sun sets and the river bends
where the river bends is a place i've been
water's not as blue and the grass well it ain't so green
the current gets strong it can pull you down
you gotta swim hard if you want to turn around
but I don't want to go there baby not with you
I'm happy right here now I got a love that's true
so let's stay a while and invite our friends
no one needs to go where the river bends
no no no
no no no
no no no
I don't want to go there baby ever again
I'm going to be with you right here till the very end
so let's stay forever and ever and ever amen
no one needs to go where the river bends
Things to write about...soon.
the outside influences that affect my decisions...my inner being, and my inner decisions. why do I care so much what people think?
bravery...
How I am lost in my own way. How one can be lost, even on a clearly marked, well trodden path. (Is this where I want to be?)
some other stuff I don't remember right now.
so tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love? all the time. all the time.
*owl city
one of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me. we'll have drinks and talk about things and any excuse to stay awake with. you'll sleep here and i'll sleep there. but then the heating may be down again, at my convenience. we'd be good, we'd be great together.
say goodnight and go.
*imogen
Easy conversations, there's no such thing
Your scent lingers on my clothes
Do exactly as I do
Lean your shoulders forward
If I did you would
Look into my eyes
And speak to me without words
Take a look at me
That night
When we shot porn stars
On the essence of my being
Dance, dance, dance
un
deux
trois
quatre
cinq
six a hundred times is fine
The uncovered mattress holds
The unspoken words between
Us
Oh keep me on your mind
You'll be the rhythm and I'll be the beat
You'll be the rhythm and I'll be the beat
You turned to me in the morning
Slowly, painfully
Relaying the message
Do exactly as I do
The moonlight in your bedroom illuminated
Our white bodies
but when I trip on my feet
We shed our skin
Like ghosts
Look at the beat
The way the sunshine leaves its mark
On my pigment-deprived skin
In case you would come walking
In case you change your mind
Move in and out of this world
Love in a symphony
Clothed in sweat
And lust
So keep me, keep it open
Everyone notices
I'm shy, shy, shy
Having troubles telling how I feel
I don't love you
Because if I did
We wouldn't be doing this
Let your heart meet mine
The words are, follow these instructions
Move your body closer
Words can never make up for what you do
Don't break yourself for me
Don't lose your selfish ways for me
I sleep with windows open
The words are written in the air
I sleep with eyes wide
Love is the harmony
Desire is the key
Love is the melody
Now wing it with me
I was a dancer all along
For you I go all blind
Keep on flunking out
Keep me wanting more
Look at the ground
The words are, written in the dust
Love, Love is the shoreline were you and I meet
And ocean breeze once whispered
In my ear to forget
