one for the money, two for the show...

Well it's been a while since I've felt this introspective...and because of that, and because summer is quickly drawing to a close, I decided that it was a good time to start doing this whole thing again. So here we go...life is so short and people don't do enough with it. Like...I guess growing up and just realizing that literally ANYTHING can be done has made me come to the conclusion that so many people are not getting as much out of life as they could. That they have yet to reach their full potential, or to find their true passion, or love, or happiness. I think so many people get caught up doing what's "normal" that they forget to think about what they truly want. It's scary sometimes...thinking about how I may end up in the town I grew up in, teaching at a school that I went to, teaching my former classmate's children. Thinking about this makes me want to run away, just to leave for a while, so that I know that it's possible and probable and that the world is accessible to me. To remind myself that 'the earth delights to feel my bare feet and the wind longs to play with my hair' (kahlil gibran).

I have been realizing, more than usual lately, how many wonderful people I have in my life. I actually was getting fed up with it the other day because I thought I had too many friends and I feel like I am constantly letting people down; that I DON'T do things with people more often than I do do things with them. It's a wonderful thing to be stressed about...but it does provide me with a fair bit of stress. Anyways...that's not exactly what I meant by the opening sentence of this paragraph. I wanted to comment on the people who inspire me, who encourage me. I am incredibly blessed to have grown up surrounded by a community of people who love and support me and who respect my views and just...aaaaah, everything. Graduating, and getting older, and being introspective have also helped me to see how certain people have helped shape different parts of my personality and who I am today. It's crazy how just one little decision, a few words so many years ago, one hug, an email, or you know, just those small everyday decisions we make without really thinking about the long term effect it's going to have on our lives how they DO affect us. So so so much. How a decision you make today could completely change the person you are in three or four or ten years.

Recently I've been connecting really well with someone that I've known since I was three but never really talked to or spent time with or particularly enjoyed the company of. It's not that I didn't enjoy his company...it's just that it was never really something I looked forward to or came away from feeling light and happy and just fufilled and like my life will benefit from our conversation. Like...some people I feel this connection with like, I guess a deeper connection. I think you can experience God just through conversation or spending time with people. Last night was so magical for so many reasons...and one of the things I thought about was how it often feels like there is a closer connection with others when you are silent together, but you are listening to the silence. This, for me, is when I feel the most inner connection with others. It's when our very spirits combine and dance together in the moonlight, or the sunshine, or the rain. It's when, as my friend said, we can finally be honest with each other. And honesty may not be talking, it might just be listening. Together. I think this honesty, this connection also comes when we revert back to childhood, to innocence, to spontaneity. It seems to me that children are often just as wise as old people...we somehow lose this wisdom when the world takes over our minds, and then slowly we must purge ourselves of our brainwashing and become truly young once again. I guess everything's like that...you know ashes to ashes...that whole deal...we're corrupted as teenagers and middleaged people so much. We worry waaaay too much about social correctness, and who thinks what, and what we wear, and who we're talking to, and who we spend time with, and hurt feelings...it's simply exhausting. ew.

Anyways, enough ranting. One of my BIG goals for the summer was to focus on healing...and this has come true for me tenfold. I've had amazing conversations with even more amazing people, I've had nights filled with tea and laughter and tears, naked dips in the lake, midnight canoes, early morning kayaks, I've just had, or taken, the time to step back and realize that my life is wonderful - and to appreciate right NOW in this very moment, with who I am, wherever I am. I am so content right now...spiritually, with friends, with family, with changes and moving, with who I am, with everything and where it has taken me and where it will take me.

I am happy here.








One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready.....here I goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

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