I miss summer. When things felt easy, when it was warm, when I was warm.

All I want is to be wanted. For some reason I have this constant urge to feel needed. I want a fairytale life and I spend too much time creating one in my head....with elaborate plans of a prince flying in at the last minute, when I had just given up hope, sweeping me off my feet, lightly kissing my face, and riding off together into the sunset. That sounds super cliche, and obviously this isn't actually what I conjure up in my mind, but it may as well be. I come up with infinite reasons not to get that call....or text......or email. I wonder what I did. And the stupid thing is, the more I ever think about boys that I like(d), is that I realize how terrible we would be for each other. I just want someone who will come and hold me. And cuddle me. I wish there was someone who just loved me....all of my weirdness and everything. He doesn't need to understand me, because how can I expect (or even want) that when I don't even understand myself. I just want someone who loves me....

Even though I didn't even really like him, my heart feels like some sort of mushy liquid, dripping down in between my ribs and seeping into my feet. I really have no idea how this goes, do I? I feel cheap.

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me. Because I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking, trying to see through the rain coming down. Even though I'm not the only one who feels the way I do, I'm alone.
ts*