bitter noir

Currently on a quick break from writing an English essay that is worth 15% of my mark. (AAAAAH!!!). It's not actually going that badly, and I kind of feel like writing right now. I really love the play I'm writing about, which makes it a lot more bearable than writing about the always exciting Casino Royale. I am wondering some things right now....although I feel quite content with the wondering. I feel at a very good stage in my life...that I am really LIVING. Even though my living right now consists mainly of reading text books and writing essays and memorizing french vocabulary words. I feel like the library at school should be renamed "Mim's room". But, the beautiful thing is, I'm okay with that.

I am wondering....if I really will ever find love, if it's okay to let people down. I wonder if life is meant to be lived the way I am living it, or if I am overlooking something monumental. I wonder if it's okay to just experience things and think later. I wonder where I will be in ten years...or two years...or one year, for that matter.

I have been repeating this mantra to myself today, and plan to continue at least until reading week:

"I am a strong and capable woman."

It's very empowering and helped me to get up this morning. It reminds me that I CAN do this...this school work, this life, this workout, this conversation....etc. etc. It helps me to keep in mind that nothing life throws at me will ever be too big or too deep or too hard. That the strength I possess, if I allow it to, will always, and has already, won. There is so much power inside of me that I have been ignoring for a while, and now I'm letting it out and it feels awesome.

Everyone's gone to the party, won't you come if I come with a friend for your friend. I'd be so pleased to see you out of the classroom wearing the smile I'll bring you. I was hoping to learn a few things.
Dashboard*