it's late

It's late(ish) at night and I should probably be studying calculus or going to bed or planning stuff for our environment club presentation this friday...but I'm not.

Sometimes I just wonder what life really is all about. There is so much shit that sometimes it's hard to scrape through it all to the sunshine (disgusting mind picture, I know, but I think it gets the point across). Like, I don't know why so many people get so down on others, or on themselves for that matter. We're so concerned about the image that we portray. The way we look, the things we say, the people we're seen with, the things we're seen doing that a lot of people forget to have a soul. They forget that living isn't about what you do, it's about how you do it. I sometimes get so caught up in 'going through the motions' in life that I forget how much I care about people. How, when the dust settles and I really had to decide what is most important to me, it's people. Relationships. I need to focus on this more. Just being open with more people and allowing myself to be me around everyone. Letting other people in and being okay with them seeing all of me, not just the parts of mim that I feel like showing them...all of it. The scars and the ugly parts that I'm ashamed of and also the beautiful parts, the parts that are insecure, the parts that are mean. Everything.
There is so much drama...so much stuff that we end up spending a large part of our time worrying about, when really all we need to do is embrace it. Embrace every part of life the same way we need to embrace every part of ourselves. Allow yourself to feel pain, to experience loss, to cry and scream and yell. But we also need time to love and be silent, and time to dance and sing and giggle. It's okay. Life's not always easy. Searching for balance is often hard and unrewarding...but learning to accept and love life right now is hard too, so where do we go? I guess everyone deals with everything in life differently...just like we all learn differently, but for me this is where inner peace comes along and taps me on the shoulder. Whenever I start feeling like my insides are all mixed up because I'm stressed or haven't been connecting with people, I realize that once I find peace with myself, it will begin to flood over into my life in other areas. In my relationships with others, my schoolwork, and work. It never ceases to amaze me how taking a few minutes out of my day to meditate or do a bit of yoga or just think or pray can make such a difference. There is a greater good. A connecting force. I think life would be impossible without one. Maybe that's what life is about. Where the sunshine starts to shine through. When we begin to recognize that we are all connected. Although that woman at soccer practice pisses the hell out of me...we are travelling much of the same journey, we will affect each other (or already have...) in ways we don't even know. If everyone you meet and come in contact with affects you (and vice versa), think about how many people's lives you've already touched in some way...