vibrations on a namebrand mousepad

well here I am...an official university student, sitting at an ancient computer in the library...it's kind of weird. I've been feeling so many different things these past few days; confusion - about whether or not this is really where I want to be...not only in university, but which program I'm in, and if I am being the person that I want to be. I have felt anger - at myself for not embracing the experience to its fullest potential, at others becuase they can't read my mind...I have been sad - because I find new beginning difficult, and I want to be myself and be unafraid to show the world and everyone in it who that is, but I still struggle with it every minute of every day. Because I'm still attempting to figure out who exactly it is I want to show the world. I have been tired and stressed and worried that I don't fit in - at university or with the people in my house.

I suppose these are all very normal feelings to have, particularly at this point in my life, where so much is ending and even more is starting to bloom. But they do get overwhelming from time to time. I am worried that I will get caught up in this new 'university' lifestyle that I will cease to continue contact with my friends who are not within a ten minute bike ride of my house. I am scared that my relationship with my sister may suffer from the distance, and I am worried that her spending her last few years at home, which are crucial to the forming of the personality, may be tainted because I am not there to guide her through things that our parents seem to have pegged as taboos. I just sometimes wish that parents would be more honest with themselves and their children...

I guess a lot of people just need to stop denying things to themselves and dive into the depths of the unknown. I just read an English assignment that talked about how, when we finally surrender to ourselves, when we allow ourselves just to trust, this is when we begin to understand the vastness of our knowledge and wisdom...just food for thought.

Now I'm going to get free food for my tummy...because with becoming an official university student comes becoming an official poor university student who takes any free food possible. :D