tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64244964232617913612024-03-05T13:26:15.924-08:00uncorrected proofsMiriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-44572206445688686132010-06-15T21:07:00.000-07:002010-06-15T21:10:26.828-07:00the edited facedear god,<br />I miss the ocean. And I miss my friends. I miss the way the air feels on my face and how I used to trust in you. So naively, yet so passionately. I miss living across the street from my friend and across the room from my best friend. I miss not knowing, not striving to know, the ugliness of the world.<br />love, meMiriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-85798314838897472562010-05-26T04:08:00.000-07:002010-05-26T04:21:43.837-07:00scratchtchtchtchy throatI have been in such a terribly strange head space lately. Figuring life out is hard and weird and silly. Emily wants me to just let go and feel what I'm feeling. Sometimes I find myself doing this, and I love it, but it is really so terribly hard for me. I do believe that there is more than just feeling deeply to life. I just haven't quite figured out where it all fits yet.<br /><br />So many times this week it has felt as though I am not living my life, like I'm watching some other person, this stranger, live it out for me. Or, on the flip side, as though someone else created my life for me; made all the decisions about how to get to this place, this confused and muddled place, and then left a space that was mim-sized. And here I am, living in a life from which I feel disconnected.<br /><br />I've felt so unsure of myself recently. I don't know what's real or true......I have been void of poetry for so long it scares me. And because of this I avoid sitting down to write because I'm afraid that nothing will come.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">And I did feel like coming but I also felt like crying/It doesn't seem so worth it right now<br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*Regina</span></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-62905725014216066922010-02-01T19:45:00.000-08:002010-02-01T19:46:37.008-08:00sore eyes"I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask 'Mother, what was war?' "<br />-Eve MerriamMiriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-48315580601997448722010-01-22T13:36:00.000-08:002010-01-22T13:42:12.003-08:00full of tea...tell me what you think tell me what you feel<br />is this a fake or is it for real<br />is it what you hoped for what you dreamed<br />is it something strange that you've never seen<br /><br />does it lift you up closer to the light<br />does it send you raging into the night<br />where did it begin will it ever end<br />where the sun sets and the river bends<br /><br />where the river bends is a place i've been<br />water's not as blue and the grass well it ain't so green<br />the current gets strong it can pull you down<br />you gotta swim hard if you want to turn around<br /><br />but I don't want to go there baby not with you<br />I'm happy right here now I got a love that's true<br />so let's stay a while and invite our friends<br />no one needs to go where the river bends<br /><br />no no no<br />no no no<br />no no no<br /><br />I don't want to go there baby ever again<br />I'm going to be with you right here till the very end<br />so let's stay forever and ever and ever amen<br />no one needs to go where the river bendsMiriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-69425050952191841112010-01-04T08:34:00.000-08:002010-01-04T08:35:07.040-08:00<span style="font-family: georgia;">also: reflection on the past year.</span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-29745558451771698202010-01-03T21:19:00.000-08:002010-01-03T21:28:44.243-08:00hydrocortisone cream<span style="font-family: georgia;">Things to write about...soon.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">the outside influences that affect my decisions...my inner being, and my inner decisions. why do I care so much what people think?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">bravery...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">How I am lost in my own way. How one can be lost, even on a clearly marked, well trodden path. (Is this where I want to be?)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">some other stuff I don't remember right now.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;font-size:78%;" >so tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love? all the time. all the time.<br />*owl city<br /><br />one of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me. we'll have drinks and talk about things and any excuse to stay awake with. you'll sleep here and i'll sleep there. but then the heating may be down again, at my convenience. we'd be good, we'd be great together.<br /><br />say goodnight and go.<br />*imogen<br /></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-51458155793731717112009-11-12T21:41:00.000-08:002009-11-13T13:43:59.401-08:00a silver ring gone bronze. catalysts. a hybrid. an alloy.<span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Easy conversations, there's no such thing<br />Your scent lingers on my clothes<br />Do exactly as I do<br />Lean your shoulders forward<br />If I did you would<br /><br />Look into my eyes<br />And speak to me without words<br />Take a look at me<br /><br />That night<br />When we shot porn stars<br />On the essence of my being<br />Dance, dance, dance<br />un<br />deux<br />trois<br />quatre<br />cinq<br />six a hundred times is fine<br />The uncovered mattress holds<br />The unspoken words between<br />Us<br /><br />Oh keep me on your mind<br />You'll be the rhythm and I'll be the beat<br />You'll be the rhythm and I'll be the beat<br /><br />You turned to me in the morning<br />Slowly, painfully<br />Relaying the message<br />Do exactly as I do<br /><br />The moonlight in your bedroom illuminated<br />Our white bodies<br />but when I trip on my feet<br />We shed our skin<br />Like ghosts<br />Look at the beat<br />The way the sunshine leaves its mark<br />On my pigment-deprived skin<br />In case you would come walking<br />In case you change your mind<br />Move in and out of this world<br /><br />Love in a symphony<br />Clothed in sweat<br />And lust<br />So keep me, keep it open<br />Everyone notices<br />I'm shy, shy, shy<br />Having troubles telling how I feel<br /><br />I don't love you<br />Because if I did<br />We wouldn't be doing this<br /><br />Let your heart meet mine<br /><br />The words are, follow these instructions<br />Move your body closer<br />Words can never make up for what you do<br /><br />Don't break yourself for me<br />Don't lose your selfish ways for me<br />I sleep with windows open<br />The words are written in the air<br />I sleep with eyes wide<br />Love is the harmony<br />Desire is the key<br />Love is the melody<br />Now wing it with me<br /><br />I was a dancer all along<br />For you I go all blind<br />Keep on flunking out<br />Keep me wanting more<br />Look at the ground<br />The words are, written in the dust<br />Love, Love is the shoreline were you and I meet<br />And ocean breeze once whispered<br /><br />In my ear to forget<br /></span></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-5783908518767148022009-11-03T12:38:00.000-08:002009-11-12T20:37:24.478-08:00I still love milk chocolateI wish I was brave and had as much love inside me as I imagine I do. Then maybe we could have parted the way I would have really liked. As I thought about you going to bed alone in the dark, I wish I would have come back and kissed you and told you that I would always love you too and that you would have been brave, and held me. But as I went to bed all I could think about was how you had hurt me, and that I wasn't sure my heart was ready to be dropped, yet again, and that I should really get to bed because I worked early...I guess I have more practicality and hardness inside me than I would like to imagine. I can't seem to decide if the happiness that comes with being free is worth the pain.Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-72588319178158429012009-09-27T07:46:00.000-07:002009-09-27T07:53:47.202-07:00my new day planner<span style="font-family:georgia;">The Land of Opportunity is a state of mind.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">It is an openness to new ideas,</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />a willingness to listen,</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />an eagerness to learn,</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />a desire to g r o w,</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />and the flexibility to <span style="font-family:arial;">ch</span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:arial;">ange</span>.</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br /><br />It is where we live and work when we choose to see wi</span><span style="font-family:georgia;">th new eyes,</span><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">live from our hearts,</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />allow ourselves and othe</span><span style="font-family:georgia;">rs to be who we truly are;</span> <span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />ourselves.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicH_YdT2MRKsU0Waj4PseWILZIM4rQZVMZ0COLu3quWan65YCVdIQMl1jJB7RNVP-0Fc74hxFs_CkGP5FTmUdYbRcJXXuEbCSTj91JY_RrdT0Lth9-PBmzZLMhZED5TZwmDvTPM8r4OQmb/s1600-h/ATT00002.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicH_YdT2MRKsU0Waj4PseWILZIM4rQZVMZ0COLu3quWan65YCVdIQMl1jJB7RNVP-0Fc74hxFs_CkGP5FTmUdYbRcJXXuEbCSTj91JY_RrdT0Lth9-PBmzZLMhZED5TZwmDvTPM8r4OQmb/s320/ATT00002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5386160110268490850" border="0" /></a>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-67924138908087495102009-09-23T20:44:00.000-07:002009-09-23T20:47:43.051-07:00natural factorsI am listening to a song called 'west coast friendship'. Today I went to hot yoga for the first time. It was hard. I was going to write a long detailed, heart pouring out post today (I haven't posted for so very long), but then I remembered something becki told me about 'the blogger mindset' society seems to have these days. And so I shall leave it at this (the list I wrote so I wouldn't forget everything I want to think about/clear up in my mind and heart):<br />summer<br />loneliness<br />disconnectedness<br />missing people<br />realizing your own destiny<br />following your dreamsMiriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-36639152430525173422009-05-11T16:08:00.000-07:002009-05-11T16:24:20.153-07:00pure.mango.juice.<span style="font-family: georgia;">Today I gained a lot of respect for seafaring people. When I was out on the open ocean and the wind and water were spraying up into my face, I started wondering how they put up with that for months on end. I love it, don't get me wrong. It makes me feel so very alive when I am out there, I embrace the cold, and look into the wind, but I think I would tire of it. I think, eventually, I would want a warm bed. A bed that didn't rock or roll and a view other than the amazing waves and the horizon. These I think I would also, eventually, grow tired of, but right now they still make me feel connected to the earth, to nature. I love the way they roll, seducing anyone who dares watch for more than a few seconds. And then out of the water, just above the rolling mass of water, you will see a whale's blow (it actually reminds me of the way fungal puff balls spread their spores). And, slowly, the back surfaces. Today we saw one flipping and twisting, its tail out of the water, and flapping on the surface. These whales...they make me feel something...I am not quite sure what it is, but it is something. It's real and deep, though. Maybe it is a connection to earlier times, times when we respected them more. Maybe it is friendship; I often get the urge to jump into the water with them and swim away. </span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">A little girl yesterday asked me if whales were my favourite animal. That made me smile because, frankly, I haven't thought about 'favourites' for a long time. But, maybe they are. I sure do love them. I love their mystery and their fragility. Their connection to the past, their, seeming, wisdom. </span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">In one of Di Brandt's poems, there is a line; 'the whale inside you' the phrase is later repeated as 'the wail inside you'. But, she makes many a reference to whales as fragile parts of ourselves. Do I have one of these huge, magnificent beasts living inside? It sometimes feels like it.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Peace will come to all humankind when we make peace with the whales and hear their song.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">*ancient prophecy brought to the west coast in 1988</span></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-68293261030203179212009-05-07T10:18:00.000-07:002009-05-07T11:14:18.710-07:00vitamin c in a bottle<span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What am I doing here? Although doubt has yet to completely take hold of me, this question has plagued me for a while here. It is not quite as I expected...but I know I just need to give it more time. I need to meet people my own age and get out of this house more. But it's hard. It's hard to be motivated to do things alone. I want a friend to come with me to the ocean so I can hold their hand and we can jump over waves together. I want someone to laugh with when I see all the cliche small town things. I want someone to hug. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I suppose I'm just spoiled. My whole life has been spent surrounded by people who love me and who I love. I am so lucky to have so many friends and people that I can hug and play with and laugh with. But it's hard, this solitude. It's very hard for me. Maybe because now I'm really having to take a good look at who I am, without these other people, or maybe it's just hard. I don't know.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">*Anais Nin</span></span><br /></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-15280124279690196142009-04-08T19:36:00.000-07:002009-04-08T22:01:39.241-07:00jasmine and orangethe moon is beautiful tonight. She's reminding us of hope. And connecting us in so many ways we will never know. I have learned to find so much hope in her light. when I look out my window and see her rising in the night sky, it overwhelms me with joy. Sometimes the joy feels sorrowful too....but it is definitely joy. She is the light rising through the darkness, the hope that you sometimes can't find. She is 'walking through the valley of death'. Every night donning her walking shoes and and braving reality, taking what seems like an endless abyss of black. darkness. and turning it into something beautiful. Some nights she hides, as we all do, behind clouds, wind, rain. But always she returns, still shining, cycling, changing.<br /><br />The moon reminds me that I am a woman. And that this is something of which I am proud. She reminds me of the deep, beautiful connection I share with all other women. Looking at the moon sometimes makes me long for the days when all women were truly connected through the cycles of the moon...but now we all twirl alone, our connectivity lost through pollution, electric light, and stress. But her ability to connect, to inject our arteries with the pulse of mother earth, and to know that others, too, are sharing in this beat still remains.<br /><br />Is that what we have to settle for these days? The things that still remain. Small, insufficient remnants of what once was a beautiful future. I hope not. And hope is all I can really do.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">hope dangles on a string<br />like slow spinning redemption<br />winding in winding out<br />the shine of it has caught my eye<br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*dashboard</span></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-90592576378192712632009-04-02T22:29:00.000-07:002009-04-02T22:33:32.011-07:00anotherbreaking<br />wind<br />breaking<br />skin<br />nose running and cheeks<br />burning<br />horns honk<br />sometimes mine<br />but usually not<br />usually at me<br />usually not yours<br />Beep beep beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeeeepp<br />it goes<br />beep?<br />i ask<br />looking for clarification<br />wanting to be let into the lane<br />in on the secret<br />and i see you<br />anger<br />shame<br />embarrassment<br />get out of the way!<br />get a lightMiriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-50578398288809385022009-03-24T17:57:00.000-07:002009-03-24T18:47:30.248-07:00dry hands and an empty glass<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">why he can't just say it</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: georgia;">i like you</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">and mean it</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">and mean it more than once</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">why he can't see me more than once</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">more than once and want it</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">why he can't want me again</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">want me again today and again tomorrow</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">and and and</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">why his hands call me baby</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">but his eyes call me friend</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">why he can('t) simply</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">be</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">happy.</span><br /></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-80347402053895205822009-02-17T22:08:00.000-08:002009-02-17T22:25:24.529-08:00Who'd Have Known<span style="font-family: georgia;">I've spent a ridiculous amount of time writing biology cue cards today.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I wish I had a comfortable relationship full of love.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm realizing that maybe, like the mission statement of House Church, I should be happy 'going not knowing'. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm trying to find joy in the small things in life...making a good dinner, laughing with my Mum, sunshine. </span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Yet I feel unsatisfied with this...whether it is because I am simply someone who will never BE satisfied, or because I want to know what is </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: georgia;">real</span><span style="font-family: georgia;">, what will make me feel truly happy, and that life really, truly is worth living. That MY life really, truly is worth living.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Who have I affected, changed. Who is different because of me? I write earlier that everyone affects everyone with whom they come in contact with...but if this is true, perhaps my quest, my longing for more, is even more meaningless. Perhaps this means that, no matter what, I will affect as many people in my life as the average white housewife living in upper middle class suburbia having an affair with the mailman. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm listening to a lot of Lily Allen recently...and she's making me think that maybe I should try to find happiness and joy simply in the little things in my life. And that I should stop taking life so </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: georgia;">seriously. </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">What do all these little, insignificant things mean anyway? What do they matter, in the grand scheme of things? And who ever got to decide what is right and what is wrong...morally, even?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I am wondering how it is that I am affecting people. When my parents speak of me as a child, they speak of a balanced girl, a relaxed soul, one who wanted only a hug for Christmas. And I wonder who this beast is that the little girl has become. Who WANTS so much, who feels like the rope is constantly slipping through her fingers, who is anything but relaxed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I feel like, so often, my stress, my preoccupation with school, with my own life, prevents me from really being able to listen to others, to their souls, to my soul, even. I think sometimes I get so caught up thinking that my life is so important and is really all that others need to know about, that I forget that they have their own lives, which I do not know, but they might want to share a small piece of it with me.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And the scary thing is....I often think the tiny piece of their life that I get to try, tastes better than mine.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 12px;" id="slly">You put your arm around my shoulder. It was as if the room got colder. We moved closer in together. And started talking bout the weather. Said tomorrow would be fun. We can watch A Place In The Sun. I didn't know where this was going.<br /><br />When you kissed me</span>.<br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Lily Allen*</span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-63553750641178772272009-02-05T19:54:00.001-08:002009-02-05T19:54:34.098-08:00cold, cold waterI'm all mixed up.Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-18991820899661796822009-01-28T19:59:00.000-08:002009-01-28T20:11:59.393-08:00bitter noir<span style="font-family: verdana;">Currently on a quick break from writing an English essay that is worth 15% of my mark. (AAAAAH!!!). It's not actually going that badly, and I kind of feel like writing right now. I really love the play I'm writing about, which makes it a lot more bearable than writing about the always exciting </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: verdana;">Casino Royale.</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> I am wondering some things right now....although I feel quite content with the wondering. I feel at a very good stage in my life...that I am really LIVING. Even though my living right now consists mainly of reading text books and writing essays and memorizing french vocabulary words. I feel like the library at school should be renamed "Mim's room". But, the beautiful thing is, I'm okay with that.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am wondering....if I really will ever find love, if it's okay to let people down. I wonder if life is meant to be lived the way I am living it, or if I am overlooking something monumental. I wonder if it's okay to just experience things and think later. I wonder where I will be in ten years...or two years...or one year, for that matter.</span> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I have been repeating this mantra to myself today, and plan to continue at least until reading week:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">"I am a strong and capable woman." </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">It's very empowering and helped me to get up this morning. It reminds me that I CAN do this...this school work, this life, this workout, this conversation....etc. etc. It helps me to keep in mind that nothing life throws at me will ever be too big or too deep or too hard. That the strength I possess, if I allow it to, will always, and has already, won. There is so much power inside of me that I have been ignoring for a while, and now I'm letting it out and it feels awesome.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Everyone's gone to the party, won't you come if I come with a friend for your friend. I'd be so pleased to see you out of the classroom wearing the smile I'll bring you. I was hoping to learn a few things.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dashboard*</span></span></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-60124287650510254032009-01-26T20:37:00.000-08:002009-01-26T20:39:55.679-08:00impending doom<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I want this...kind of...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Beauty queen of only eighteen</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> She had some trouble with herself</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> He was always there to help her</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> She always belonged to someone else</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I drove for miles and miles</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> And wound up at your door</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've had you so many times but somehow</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I want more</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I don't mind spending everyday</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Out on your corner in the pouring rain</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Look for the girl with the broken smile</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Ask her if she wants to stay awhile</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> And she will be loved</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> She will be loved</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Tap on my window knock on my door</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I want to make you feel <span style="font-weight: bold;">beautiful</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I know I tend to get insecure</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> It doesn't matter anymore</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">It's not always rainbows and butterflies</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> It's compromise that moves us along</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">My heart is full and my door's always open</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> You can come anytime you want</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I don't mind spending everyday</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Out on your corner in the pouring rain</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Look for the girl with the broken smile</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Ask her if she wants to stay awhile</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> And she will be loved</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> She will be loved</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I know where you hide</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Alone in your car</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Know all of the things that make you who you are</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> I know that goodbye means nothing at all</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls </span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Maroon Five*</span></span><br /></span> <script type="text/javascript">ad_text = 'She Will Be Loved';</script>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-87774610553352891882009-01-24T14:34:00.000-08:002009-01-24T14:44:06.134-08:00here if you want<span style="font-family: arial;">The other night I was feeling so sad and tired and unenergized. And it surprised me how, after supper, I felt so rejuvenated. This is a strange thing to blog about, I guess...but whatever, it was awesome and so obvious. I felt physically nourished, because I had eaten, duh. But I also just was able to take those forty minutes and replenish the love in my heart, to remember that I live with people who care about me and who support me, who make me laugh and help me to see life with a much more realistic point of view. I've been thinking about this a lot for the past few days after that evening, and trying to notice it...and giving myself the freedom to just </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: arial;">talk</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> to people when I feel dejected and overwhelmed by homework, but getting up and stretching and giving my roommates hugs, and just lighting candles and incense and listening to a song or two. It's incredible what this does for my spirit, I almost always feel so much better and have a better attitude toward my stack of work. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I love how my life is right now....it feels so full of what it should be full of...passion and beauty, love, great friends, wine, school, books, tea......it feels so right. And what a wonderful feeling. It hasn't been here for quite some time, and I hope it decides to stay. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">People don't hunger only for food. How easy that would be, so basic and crude. There's so much more you need just to help nourish you.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The Waifs *</span></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-62341722556403784362009-01-20T23:11:00.000-08:002009-01-20T23:17:16.938-08:00I'm going back to the start<span style="font-family: arial;">Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us</span>. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually,<span style="font-size:85%;"> </span><span style="font-size:85%;">who are you not to be</span>? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to <span style="font-style: italic;">shine</span>, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. <span style="font-size:85%;">It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone</span>. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Marianne Williamson*</span></span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-5944481494763235762009-01-20T22:54:00.000-08:002009-01-20T22:56:47.790-08:00lactose intoleranceBAH. I am seriously delayed. I have no idea what I want and then I act rashly and make decisions about my life. I haven't a clue how to live 'free' and just let things go. I want to be in control, so I don't make myself vulnerable. Or maybe I just care too much, if I'm confused, they must not be, so I don't want to mix them up and make their heart hurt and mixed up. Maybe I think about others when really all I want is to start making decisions that I think are right when I look at the big picture. Or maybe it's the other way around. SHIT.Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-91459683702342967792009-01-14T18:32:00.001-08:002009-01-14T18:42:40.094-08:00the lingering taste of banana and peanut butterGoodbye, goodbye, goodbye. I feel like that's all I'm saying these days. And, I wonder where the hellos are for me. For these wonderful people I am bidding farewell, the hellos are obvious - they are off to experience 'the world' (whatever that means). They will find beautiful art, mountains, rivers, fields; they will find people who have hope despite their seemingly hopeless situations, and in this they will say hello to beauty. Their hellos will come in the form of new friends, and, even more importantly, in the form of self-discovery. But I wonder where my hellos are....and how I will find them and realize them.<br /><br />I suppose my hellos are just simpler (or seem more 'normal'), but maybe are there anyway. It's all perspective. I guess. Maybe my hellos are in the development of a new kind of friendship. My hellos are watching my sister, from afar, become a woman. Maybe I am saying hello to a new kind of fear...fear of committing to something, fear of letting go, of being honest, of just allowing my heart to actually win for once...and fear of not knowing which side my heart is on.<br /><br />My life is only nearing the beginning...and yet, I feel like what I am doing right now is so monumental to everything else. I want to realize the purpose of my life...but I know that this probably won't ever happen, let alone in the next few weeks or months.<br /><br />I seem to want so much...I create such perfect visions in my imagination that real life is disappointing more often than not. I think I've been waiting for someone who is going to be able to read my mind, when what I really need to do is just start making my mind readable.<br /><br />How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me. It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can't read just yet.<br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*Death Cab For Cutie</span>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-41412559832539981472009-01-02T21:03:00.000-08:002009-01-02T21:13:52.312-08:00two candles<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;">we will never realize how much we are connected.</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">All of us...you, me, the world...on every level.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Quotes </span>that struck me from </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: arial;">Dry Lips Oughta Move to Kapuskasing</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> by Tomson Highway</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We've got to learn to dance again.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What happened to all those <span style="font-size:85%;">dreams </span>you were so full of for your people, the same dreams this young man died for?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Too many times married men think they're still single, that caused many a good girl to go wrong.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The fact of the matter is, it never should have happened, that kind of thing should never be allowed to happen, not to us Indians, not to anyone living and breathing on the face of God's green earth.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This is not the kind of Earth we want to inherit.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It's true what they say, isn't it? I'm a bastard aren't I?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">God! God of the Indian! God of the Whiteman! God Al-fucking-mighty! Whatever the fuck your name is. <span style="font-size:130%;">Why are you doing this to us?</span> <span style="font-size:85%;">Why are you doing this to us?</span></span></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Men who do not worship the Christian way do <span style="font-size:130%;">not </span>automatically go to hell. There are many, <span style="font-size:100%;">many</span> other ways of communicating with the Great Spirit. And they are <span style="font-size:85%;">all </span>legitimate. What them priests said about me - about us - is not right. It's just not right. Respect us. Respect all people.</span></span><br /></div>Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6424496423261791361.post-39487141958399925222008-12-26T09:00:00.000-08:002008-12-26T09:15:41.629-08:00French press coffee. Undone essay. The new slippers.I'm starting to realize that this - my life, right now, exactly the way it is - is something to celebrate. There are things that make me feel sad, of course, this is life, not everything will be happy. Sometimes I will feel lonely, unsatisfied, unwanted, awkward, under-qualified, tongue tied, or simply like I have been dumped into a life that someone else seems to have created and I am now here stuck living. But there will always be love, even if I cannot always see it. I have so many people in my life who respect me, who love me, and who affirm me. I have things I might do differently if I got to relive days with the knowledge I now have, but that is very normal.<br /><br />I heard the other day that there are literally people eating mud pies in the world right now. Talk about a shock into reality. Here I am worrying about eating too much, about relationships, feelings, worrying about how skinny I am (or am not), and there are people on the same planet who will die of malnutrition. Of course, this needs to be taken with a realistic point of view; of course if I stop eating it will not bring them food, but it did make me stop and think about how small and insignificant my problems are.<br /><br />This brings up something else...how I feel so compelled to make such a big difference in the world. I want to die with a legacy, with people knowing what I've done. Incredibly selfish and arrogant, I know, but true. I want to make a big difference because I care about the people it will impact, because I think that I am here to leave the world a bit of a better place, but also because I want some sort of recognition for myself. How disgusting.<br /><br />I don't know....I'm done my coffee now and should really go attempt to edit the fricking hellish essay that has been plaguing me for months.<br /><br />Tell me lies, lies, lies. Sweet little lies when I cannot bear the truth. Tell me lies, lies, lies. Sweet little lies. Help me make them all come true.<br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*Michael Franti and Spearhead</span><br /><br />Go listen to Michael Franti's newest album.Miriamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10444016223088554598noreply@blogger.com0